A ray of sunshine with built-in sunblock, Real Gothic FC’s dazzling victory

All we ever wanted… was everything

Well, it did not come home this time, but never fear. We are about to tell you a true football success story. Something that will completely obliterate the French victory over Croatia at the World Cup final today: that time when the uber fantastic Real Gothic beat Stokoemotiv at Whitby’s very own Turnbull Ground. Pelé would have been proud.

The April 2018 edition of Whitby Goth Weekend ended on a high note with a surprise victory for us all. True, Real Gothic have always managed to be the most stylish team. If the competition were about who has got the acest eyeliner skills or the best taste in music, Real Gothic would always come on top, no doubt. However, football-wise, they have been historically a little less lucky than the local team at the iconic match we all know as “El Gothico.”

As usual, we had a lovely atmosphere, plenty of drink (Wolfy and I had tea exclusively, of course), and our two favourite commentators: Al Fiendish and Wesley Mallin, who at some point during the second half, left the microphone and heroically joined our dark knights in the pitch.

Double Dare

Stokoemotiv scored the first goal within the first five minutes of the match. Real Gothic’s winger, Richard Dove, “Dove will tear you apart”, flew like the wind and had a couple of good shots but Rick Davies, Stokoemotiv’s goalie did a fine job, stopping our boys’ awesome goal attempts. Stokoemotiv’s Mike Thomas proved to be dangerous and energetic, what’s more. Near the end of the first half, there was a mighty shot at goal from Real Gothic’s Robbie White. Alas, it was not meant to be.

She’s in parties

At half time, the girls entered the pitch. Our Sisters of Real, lead by Louise Street and Donna “Jez” Valenzano had their traditional penalty shootout against the Stokoemotiv WAGs, who won 3 to 0. Both sides were fantastic, regardless. It was all for charity and good entertainment. If you would like to know what the bar looks like at half time, take a look at this video of Wolfy from a previous footie edition. A bit of a flashback to prepare you for April’s highlights.

In the flat field

The second half was a true game changer, pun intended. From the very first seconds, Real Gothic scored a goal. Our players increased their speed and might. Maybe the snakebite and black potion was finally working its magic. Speaking of magic potions, Mr. Fiendish, our star commentator was handed a pint of beer, which was passed from one member of the audience to the next, until it reached its rightful owner. Talk about team work! On and off the pitch!

Dark entries

Four minutes later, Stokoemotiv scored a goal but our boys got even a couple of minutes afterwards. The match was now packed with action and an impressive display from the forces of darkness and impeccable backcombed hair.

Real Gothic scored two more goals, on the seventeenth and thirty third minute respectively. Incidentally, the player who scored the last goal also scored the first one. We’re talking about the mysterious Robbie White, who wore the t-shirt number 28. Our friend, Bob Slassor, let us use this photographic sequence he took of the last Real Gothic goal. Thanks a lot, Bob. You’re a (goth) star!

And just as Al cried out: “We’re now winning 4 – 2!”, we all got extremely excited, which is a bit of a faux pas if you’re a goth, but this time round it shall be forgivable. Just look at Wolfy, who bumped into Lee and a gorgeous lady. Yes, goths can be happy, too. Just look at us!

Nevertheless, this wasn’t the end, even though Wolfy did not seem to notice and cried victory a bit too soon, just like the boy who cried wolf, or was it the other way around? There were a few minutes left and near the end, Stokoemotiv scored another goal. The final score was thus 4 – 3.

Both teams did splendidly and what’s more important, they raised money for charity. This time Real and Stokoemotiv offered £300 to WHISH (Whitby Hidden Impairments Support & Help), a charity that does a marvellous job, helping people with hidden impairments, as well as their families.

Hair of the Wolf

When the match came to its end, we all got to celebrate properly. It was the perfect ending to a week full of goth music, dance, dark elegance and drinkies. I got to talk to my friend Graham Best, who was just as shocked as I was. By the way, Graham and his wife, Sue, are the proud parents of Klaus Best, Real Gothic’s goalie extraordinaire.

All in all, it was another fantastic Whitby holiday. Obviously, Wolfy and I ran to the tea rooms to celebrate with copious amounts of tea and cakes. Many thanks to our Real FC team for their extraordinary performance: Klaus Best, AJ Sikesy, Gareth Wright, Trevor A. Broadbank, Ted Govostis, Terry Cummins, James Patrick, Rio Goldhammer, James Shoobridge, Carl Noble, Joel Heyes, Mark Chisman, Adam Williams, Timothy Payne, Mason Von, Richard Dove, Robbie White and Wesley Mallin.

Also, special thanks to Bob Slassor, Nigel Spowage and Richard Dove for helping us with this blog entry. An extra thanks to Shaggy, too for taking us to the match.

Bites and howls,

Clovis and Wolfy

P.S. If you have a few minutes to spare, visit the charities that Real Gothic FC and Stokoemotiv Whitby FC have supported recently.

WHISH: http://www.whishgroup.co.uk/

Willow Foundation: https://www.willowfoundation.org.uk/

SOS Children’s Villages UK: https://www.soschildrensvillages.org.uk/

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